i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
