I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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