i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
