Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
