I think my vagina is haunted
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
