My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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