Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
