I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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