I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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