Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
May the power of my ass compel you!!
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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