what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
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