You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
