I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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