i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Edward fifth and chaser hands
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
