You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
