I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
