life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
