Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
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