I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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