I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
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