Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
