my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
