it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
