I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
