My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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