You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
