My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
