i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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