just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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