he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
