yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
