i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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