If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
