I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
