the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
