In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Randomize
