dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
