I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
