I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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