I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
