Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
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Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
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I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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