i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
