Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
My feet surprised me
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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