I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
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I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
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The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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