I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
