you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
