I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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