don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
