Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
