I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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