Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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