remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
