So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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