You don't have asthma, your pregnant
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
