Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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