babies were throwing up all over the place
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
