yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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