I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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