you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
