There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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