go do what you do best...puke behind churches
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
