Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I intend to get homeless drunk
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
