i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
