the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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