I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
