I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Let's get the cat blown out
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
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