so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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