john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
