a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
