So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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