His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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