Im at strip club and am horny
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
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