So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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