I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
