mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
