I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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