where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
They have beer where we have blood.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
