Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
We need to get me chipped asap
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
