she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize